Over The Years

[Author's note: In everyone's life, there is someone who matters a lot in your heart. That person influences your decisions to anything in life. That person can be your father, mother, sister, brother, best friend, cousin, or someone else.

Such a person will be the one who can truly make you happy, sad, disappointed, jealous, and all other emotions. This is the person who matters most to you. This was written during low periods in my life. Not the best but something that I finally completed. For DD.]

The room felt large and empty. He felt lonely. Very lonely. She used to put her hand on his shoulder whenever he was feeling down. She was there whenever he needed companionship. “Where is she now?” He wondered aloud.
—-
“Tyra! How have you been?” Chloe hugged her friend tightly.

“Chloe, you’re… crushing me… oof!” Tyra tried to pry her friend’s hands off her. Chloe let go and tilted her head to her left. “Don’t look at me as if I’ve got chocolate on my lips.” Chloe raised her eyebrow at her.

“I just want to make sure that you are ok. C’mon, Lyvia and Lycan are so excited to see you again that they woke up early this morning.” She tugged Tyra towards the exit.

Tyra was in deep thoughts. She wasn’t listening to Chloe who was chattering to the nines.

“Tyra.”

“Huh? What? Sorry. I…” Tyra smiled sadly.

“You haven’t gotten over him, have you?” Silence. Tyra knew she hasn’t gotten over the hurt. She felt the tears again.

“No. But I want to get over it. Throughout my stay in Phuket, I thought that the beach, sea, waves, sunsets and sunrise would help me get over it. It didn’t. I kept thinking about him. The good and bad times.” She sobbed.

Chloe hugged her tightly, “Girl, it’s only been 2 weeks. Do you think you can get over it by yourself? Don’t forget, you can pour all your woes to me, Lyvia and Lycan. We care about you very much.”

Tyra smiled through her tears. Her friends had always been with her through thick and thin. They celebrated when she had a boyfriend. They anticipated her wedding. They helped her when her mother passed away. She felt so loved and lucky with such friends. It was as if they were family; a family that she never had. She was an only child and craved for kinship. Unfortunately, her mother had difficulties conceiving. She had several miscarriages before giving birth to Tyra. However, before another sibling could come along, her father was killed in a road accident. Her mother was heartbroken.

Recently, her mother was discovered with ovarian cancer, stage IV. She had been suffering acute pain for a few months but kept it silent from Tyra. It was when she had collapsed while buying groceries that she found out. Mr Lau, their neighbour who was there at the time, had called her office, “Tyra, your mother’s in hospital.”

The doctor told her to prepare for the worst. “I’m sorry, your mother has stage IV ovarian cancer.” There was only one choice left; chemotherapy. It would kill the cells but side effects such as nausea, headaches, tiredness and hair loss were known to occur. Tyra didn’t want to lose her mother just yet. She agreed to the treatment. Her mother had to be saved even though it broke her heart that her mother had to go through all the pains.
—
He saw her with another man, he was angry. He still wanted her and went towards her.

“Why are you with him?” He grabbed her hand roughly.

“Let me go!” She struggled to no avail. He had a death grip.

“No. Tyra, let’s start over gain.” He pleaded. She stared at him in disbelief.

“Huh! I can’t bring myself to start again with you. Let me go!” She tugged hard. He still wouldn’t let go and brought her closer to him. She shuddered.

“Tyra, please. We can start all over again. 我们重新开始。”

“重新开始？你想重心开始。” She poked his heart at the 2nd phrase. She couldn’t trust if he could begin with his heart. “感情是重心开始的，你能吗？”

“放手啦！” She was struggling hard. He still held on tightly. She tried harder. Her sudden strength surprised Milton and she banged against the concrete wall hard. Feeling a sharp pain in her shoulder, she feared the worst. She had dislocated her shoulder. “OW!”

Stunned, Milton stepped back. He had hurt her again. She backed away hastily holding her injured arm gingerly. “Don’t you dare come near me again!”

Keaf, her boyfriend, took her in his arms. Seeing them so close together, Milton’s heart bled.

Throughout the trip to the Chinese sensei, Tyra was trying hard not to cry out at every road bump. It hurt so much. “Tyra, you can bite me if you need to.” She shook her head. She had to bear with it. He cradled her taking care of her injured hand.
—
Her calls went unanswered. They hadn’t met up for two weeks because he wanted to watch the World Cup. Knowing that he wouldn’t wake up that early since the telecast was until 3 am and he had the tendency to wake up late on weekends, Tyra tried to call him at 12.30pm. There was no answer for a long time. She wanted to meet up with him badly. Disappointed, she took a nap after lunch instead of surfing the web as she was distracted. She felt uneasy. There was no return call from him.

She woke up half an hour later unable to shake away the dark feeling. She tried calling Keaf again, still no answer. Another half an hour passed and she called again, willing him to answer. Angered, she sent him a message, “I dunno what u’re trying to do but if u dun wan 2 cont this relationship, tell me! Dun juz keep silent! I hate that!”

There was no immediate reply. Her worst fears had come true. He had toyed with her feelings. However, she wanted a confirmed closure and couldn’t just leave it hanging in the air. She gave him 4 days to give her a closure.

He refused to answer her call on the fourth day, she tried calling from the office and still no answer. That evening, she poured her woes to Chloe. “He is not answering my calls.” She wailed.

“What? How can he do that? Here use my handphone and call him. If he answers, then it means that he’s avoiding you on purpose.” Tyra tried again. The phone kept ringing. Tyra shook her head. Chloe advised, “Girl, the last resort is to send him an email.”

Tyra sent it the next day. It was rather lengthy but it was her thoughts and feelings at that moment.

“I’ve been trying to contact you for days. But there’s no answer to my calls or SMS.
I don’t even know where you are. Are you still around?
I’m upset, hurt, neglected, rejected, angry and depressed.
Upset because you refuse to answer my calls.
Hurt because you haven’t tried to contact me.
Neglected because you’re ignoring me.
Rejected because I seem repulsive to you suddenly.
Angry because you don’t seem to care.
Depressed because I thought you wouldn’t play such childish games with me.
I’ve a lot of questions that only you can answer.
Why are you ignoring me?
What has happened within such a short time?
Did I not do something that you had hoped I’d done?
Am I too slow for you?
Do you feel that I’m not into you?
Is there something you have expected from me but I’m not doing it?
Do you feel that I’m not that suitable after all?
Do you feel that I’m too needy and dependent on you?
Do you feel that I’m not ready for you after all?
What exactly is wrong?
Why is this happening?
I don’t like hanging in the air not knowing what’s wrong. Maybe I don’t have the traits that you hope I’d have.
However, that shouldn’t prevent you from telling me straight whether you want to continue this relationship or not.
Short pain is better than long pain. 长痛不如短痛
I don’t think you’re the type who runs away from problems.
Prove to me that you’re someone who is sure of himself as you’ve done so many times to me.”

When she read his reply that same evening, she was devastated. She had been blind to her intuitions. She didn’t have a good impression of him at first sight. His reply was that he wanted to be free. He dated her only because he was lonely. He felt that he like being free and said he ignored his friends’ calls too. She regretted her decision to start out with him in the first place. It was the 2nd time she had been cheated of her feelings and Tyra couldn’t believe her judgment of men.

The next day, she was angry. Her first thought was to beat him into pulp. Tyra wanted to vent her anger at something physical. The curses came next. She cursed that his daughter would suffer the same deep pain as she had been inflicted. She hoped that she would have a son so that he could take revenge on Keaf. On second thoughts, she did not want her son to be a bastard like him and make another innocent girl suffer her fate. She cursed that Keaf, the culprit, would finally fall in love with a woman and pamper her so well that he would want to finally settle down instead of being free. The woman, on the other hand, did not love him in return. She would hurt him the same way he had treated Tyra. He would realize that he was receiving his retributions at last.

Throughout the two months, Tyra kept busy with catching up with her friends and colleagues. Milton was trying hard to patch things up with her. However, each time his words cut through her like a sharp knife. “Milton, there is no future for us anymore. You can’t make it up to me for the rest of your life.”

“Tyra, please, give me another chance. I want to make it up to you no matter what. I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you in the past. I’m sorry that I took you for granted in the past.”
Tyra took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to meet up with you today in the first place. But I want to make a proper closure. It is over between us.”

Milton didn’t want to listen to those words. All he wanted was her. He had been missing her very badly. All he could think of was her during his waking moments. He even dreamt about her on his lonely days.

“I’m going to try again. Please give me some more time.”

“5 years, Milton. I have given you 5 years of my youth. I don’t think I can do it again. I’m no longer young. Our goals in life are too different. We never did have anything common to do or talk about. All you did was to degrade me. I felt degraded by your remarks. As I respected you, I kept silent and the hurt to myself. I’m tired, Milton.”

Silence. She continued.

“I’m too tired to wait for you to try to change. 这些年来为了你，我付出了一切。你要我做什么我都会去做，但是你重来没重视过。我的要求那么难做吗？我真得那么野蛮吗？那些虽然是小事，单独我而言，是这些小事让我能感动。现在已经太迟了。”

Milton was crushed. He didn’t realize that her hurt ran so deep. “I don’t know what to say. All I can say is sorry.”

Tyra was sick of him saying it but she kept her peace. “I’m going home.”

“Let me …” he faltered. She understood him and shook her head.

They went their separate ways. When she reached home, she received Milton’s message saying that he would always be there for her. She could pour her woes to him at any time. Tyra was sad, if he had been that sweet to her during the years together, she would have been touched. A case of too late came to her mind. She replied “Ok” and went to sleep.
—
Tyra was in the hospital. Her mother had a reaction to the drugs given. She grasped her mother’s hand tightly. She was trying to say something, Tyra leant closer. “I don’t. Want. Anymore.” Pausing for breath, she continued, “No more. Treatment. Please.” Tyra turned to look at her. She nodded with her heart in pieces.

Her mother was discharged from the hospital the next day. Dr Ang who had been treating her mother was very kind. He told Tyra to call him should anything happen. She was touched and hugged him. “Tyra, as a doctor, I shouldn’t be too personal with my patients or their families but you’re like a daughter to me after all these months.” He smiled fatherly. She sniffed and returned a smile and they departed the hospital into the clear blue sky.

Her friends and ex-colleagues came to visit. Tyra had quit due to reasons of looking after her sick mother. Her supervisor had been insistent that she took long unpaid leave but Tyra wanted to quit so that the company wouldn’t have to wait for her in case she found something else. Even her ex-supervisor came down. He wanted to have Tyra back in the company.

“Please have a seat and your drinks.” She fussed over them until they each had a drink in their hands. “How have you been? I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to catch up with you since my mother fell ill.”

“Tyra, we understand. We’re sorry that we haven’t been able to talk to since we had a major event going on that time. It was a big success and we just had to come here to let you know. We missed you. Please, come back.” Everyone looked at her, pleading.

She swallowed a big lump in her throat, took a deep breath, “I missed you too. I have to take care of my mother before I go back to work with you all again. It depends on Walter, though.” She looked at him shyly. He beamed.

“Tyra, you just come straight back. We’ll take turns to look after your mother.” Everyone was eager to help her and Tyra broke down. “Silly girl. Now, you don’t go crying because we haven’t started to bully you yet!” Walter mocked. She laughed through her tears.
—
Two weeks after lunch, Tyra received a message from a number she felt vaguely familiar. “Hi, how are you?” It took her a few minutes to realize that it was from the jerk who dumped her via email, Keaf. Shaking with anger that he had the nerve to ask after her, she replied, “Fine.” Hoping that it would end the messages. A few minutes later, a message prompt appeared. “So, how’s your job?” Why doesn’t he get it? She didn’t want to make any contact with him and the bastard wanted to waste her limited text messages! A “fine” was all he got.

Another text message came immediately, “Where’s your office? Maybe we can catch up during lunch.” She was fuming and nearly cursed out loud. She replied, “I don’t think there’s a need.”
“Why?”

This time, Tyra lost all the formalities and decided to tell him off, even though scolding the bastard at that moment would let the steam off but she didn’t want any of the customers or her colleagues to hear it. “You don’t know how to do a respectful break up. U didn’t have to guts and did it via email, ASSHOLE. I DON’T WANT TO SEE U AGAIN!” Shaking from the anger, she went to the ladies to cool down.
—
It was a few days later that she managed to meet up with a friend whom she had lost contact with; her crush who made her heart beat faster every time he was around. They had studied in the same school and did a final year project together. She looked forward to meeting him even though it was just to discuss the project. She would steal a look at him whenever she felt he was looking the other way. At that time, she didn’t dare to make known her affection for him because he was attached to the most popular girl, Carla, in the school at that time. Lycan knew and tried to encourage her but Tyra felt it was bad karma to break up any one. “Lycan, no!” was always the reply.

During the project days, there were days where they weren’t doing it together but Allan would always approach her to ask something about the project and her heart always beat faster when he was standing next to her. Sometimes, she wondering if there was more to it but she never dared to present herself to him other than as a project mate.

Since graduating, she still had his contact number but never called even though he had broken up with Carla before the graduation. She would be embarrassed if he had just treated her as a friend and project mate instead of something more for her. She would have been the laughing stock of the whole school.

Five years later, she bumped into him at a shopping centre while waiting for Milton. It still hurt when she thought of him even though the hurt had lessened compared to what the cowardly Keaf had done.

“Allan?” She stared at him. He looked different from school; more well-built. Time hadn’t changed his face though. She smiled. He recognized her immediately.

“Tyra! How are you? You look great!” that compliment put her heart into overdrive. She couldn’t believe that he could still charm her without doing much. 你再想什么, Tyra, you are with Milton! She berated herself silently.

“Thanks. You look different from last time too. In fact, you haven’t changed much.”

“Are you free now? Want to have a drink?” I’d love to, STOP! Think of Milton, GIRL! Get a GRIP! Tyra fought with her internal self violently.

“I’ve love to but I’m meeting with my… someone today.” 明明是男朋友，怎么不说？

“Oh, ok. Never mind.”

“How about next time? I’ll arrange a date with you. Can I have your number?” She desperately wanted to see him again, she felt excited even! GIRL! Remember you are with Milton! Ignoring her inner self, she took out her mobile.

With the exchange done, they parted ways.

Now, she was meeting him again and her heart was beating fast again at the thought of Allan. She couldn’t believe that he could still make her heartbeats go into hyper-drive. He was already seated when she arrived.

“Sorry, I’m late. I had to complete something at the office.” She took her seat.

“It’s alright. I heard about your mother. How is she now?”

“She’s at home resting. My friends and colleagues are taking turns in helping me look after her.”

“You have such good friends and colleagues. Lucky you. Let’s order something to eat, do you have any preferences?” She shook her head. He signaled to the waiter and ordered a few items.

They enjoyed the dinner and Tyra received a lot of information; especially on his marital status which she didn’t even understand why it was so important. However, he was still available, to her relief. Remember, girl, you want to be alone right now and you have made it known to him, stop thinking of getting together with him!

He was very sweet; he sent her home. This little thing mattered a lot to her because none of her previous boyfriends bothered to send her home. They didn’t even call her just to make sure she got home safe. She was falling for Allan again, hard. This time, she was sure that he wasn’t just a crush. He was The One; it came to her mind when she got to know him better during the project days.

“Thank you, Allan. It was wonderful tonight.”

“My pleasure, sleep tight,” he kissed her right cheek. She nearly swooned. 振作一点！ It’s just a goodnight kiss. He left after she closed the door.

Chloe squealed in delight. “Are you sure? That’s so great!”

“Chloe! Lower your voice! Everyone’s looking at us!” Tyra shrank further into her chair. She wished she had told Chloe in a less crowded place. Everyone was looking at them as if they had done a terrible crime. Chloe, however, didn’t care. All she cared about was the happiness for her friend.

“Tyra, I’m so happy for you! Tell me more! 到底说了什么?”

“Chloe Ong! Unless you lower your voice or I won’t be telling you anything!”

“Tyra Yeo! 你好绝嘞” Chloe huffed. “Fine, now, tell me everything.”

On her way home, Tyra was thinking on how Chloe had reacted. It seemed that she was very happy that Allan had kissed her, even if it was on the cheek. It felt that she already knew that they were having dinner that night. Tyra frowned, she was sure that she hadn’t told anyone. A bump in her back jolted her back to her current situation. She had stopped just at the curb of the zebra crossing.

“Sorry.” The boy crossed the road quickly. She didn’t have time to wave the apology away. It was her turn to look after her mother today and she had bought a few groceries to replenish those that had been used. She was going to cook her mother’s favourite dish, potato soup with lots of other ingredients. Smiling at the thought, she hurried her steps towards home.

“Mom, I’m home.” Tyra started towards the kitchen. Her mother hadn’t responded but she sounded like she was in the kitchen talking to someone. “Mom, who are you…” She stopped. Allan was talking to her mother.

“Oh, hi Tyra.” He smiled at her.

“Tyra? I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you coming back. What did you buy?”

Tyra’s heart seem to have stopped when she saw him. At her mother’s voice, her heart started working again, “Oh, I bought some potatoes to make soup tonight. Your favourite.” She tried to sound calm as she would usually. The sight of Allan would either drive her heart into hyper-drive or stop it. She felt warm in the kitchen suddenly. Was she in love with him? So those years with him during the project wasn’t really just a crush or an act of her hormones? Nevertheless, she put away the milk into the refrigerator and started preparing dinner.

“Let me help.” It was Allan. Her heart beat faster. 天啊，为什么他就是可以让我心跳得那么乱?

“Ok.”

Throughout the preparations, it felt like they were preparing for the family to eat. It felt warm. It had been a long time since her father had died that she had felt this way.

“Tyra, can you pass me the eggs?”

“Tyra?” When there were no eggs on the way.

“Huh? Oh, sorry, what did you say?”

“Eggs?”

“Oh. Sorry, here.”

Her mother had enjoyed the dinner and Tyra realized that her mother had not smiled or laugh since her father’s death. Allan had brought in the happiness and light-heartedness that both mother and daughter have not felt for years. Looking at him, Tyra felt not for the first time that he was the one for her. She had been trying to mould Neil all those years into someone she could rely on.

Neil wasn’t the best but he wasn’t the worst either. He was just someone who had his ideals different in life from her and she had wanted him to change. Relationships were something that was delicate to handle and she didn’t handle them well. There was a need to change her viewpoint on how to handle relationships better. That was when Keaf came along. He charmed the pants off her alright but left her high and dry. He was not the one for her and she had already knew when she first laid her eyes on him. She couldn’t understand why she agreed to go out with him when all her senses were telling her to stay far away from him. Nevertheless, he was out of her life now and he would never appear in front of her again.
—
Allan was coming to her place a lot for the next few weeks. He would always be telling Tyra’s mother jokes and making her feel comfortable. It was after he had left the house that her mother asked her casually, “Tyra, I like Allan. He’s so much different from the other guy.” The “other guy” meant Milton, who never and always refused to visit whenever Tyra mentioned it. He had disappointed her every time and would always suggest his place by saying he was tired. Allan had impressed her mother this time.

“Mom, Allan’s just helping out. We aren’t dating anyway.”

“Just remember, guys don’t do things for girls without motives. They won’t move their butts for just any girl. Your father was the same.” At the mention of her father, Tyra’s eyes misted. Her mother hadn’t mentioned anything about her father for a long time. “Your father loved me a lot. He didn’t want me to have another child because he knew of my condition.”

“Mom, I know. Dad loves you very much. He would always make you laugh even though he was the one who made you angry first.” Her mother smiled at those words. It was the happiest time of their lives. Until his death, they hadn’t realized that they had relied on him a lot. Her mother decided to turn in for the night.

Her handphone rang. It didn’t sound good to Tyra. She had a premonition that something bad had happened. Picking it up with shaky hands, she answered it. It was Allan. He had come by her place and no one was answering the door for 15 minutes. Tyra rushed home after informing Walter.

The ride in the taxi was agonizingly long. She was worried about her mother. “Uncle, 可以快一点吗？我担心我妈出事了。” Without answering, the taxi driver sped as fast as he could without breaking the law. He even refused to take her money and offered to wait in case she needed him. Tyra was touched. “Uncle, 谢谢。” She ran towards and lifts and willed them to arrive faster.
Allan was still ringing the door bell when she arrived breathless. Fumbling in her bag, she finally took out her house keys. “Mom? Are you there?” There was no answer. She ran to the bedroom and saw the bed. “Mom?” On the verge of tears, Tyra was worried and afraid that something had happened to her mother.

“Tyra? You’re early today.” At the sound of her mother, Tyra burst into tears and hugged her tightly. “Tyra? What happened? Did someone bully you?” Tyra shook her head violently.
“Tell me what happened.”

“Aunty, I called her because you didn’t answer the door.” Allan broke in while Tyra still hugged her mother fiercely. “I was worried, you see.”

“The taxi uncle! I’ve to let him know!” Tyra broke off the hug and grabbed her purse. With Tyra out of the house, the two of them sat down. Allan was both relieved and felt silly at the same time.

“Allan, thank you. Don’t worry about calling Tyra home. It’s time you both start dating each other.” Allan’s jaw dropped.
“Er, aunty, I…” Allan was flabbergasted. She had seen through him.
“In fact, you can ask her out now since she’s on leave. Take her to the movies or something. She needs you.” She smiled at him gently and handed him two movie vouchers.

“Mom? You gave me a scare!” Tyra chided her mother lightly. She was relieved that nothing had happened.

“I wanted to have a walk around the block. I didn’t know that Allan would come by earlier than usual today. Anyway, I’m going have a nap. Why don’t the two of you go out since you’re both free?” With that, they were both shown the door.

It felt awkward for the first time. Deciding that it was really awkward standing outside her door, Allan asked if she would like to watch a movie. She agreed and they went to the cinema. Throughout the movie, Tyra’s mother’s words kept replaying in Allan’s mind. She was encouraging him to date her daughter, someone whom he had been falling in love with since the project days. He still couldn’t believe it when he saw her at the shopping centre that day. She looked beautiful and radiant than in the past. She was still the same when he had known her. He wanted to take her in his arms so that her pains and unhappiness would go away. Her mother’s illness had taken toil on her. He wasn’t sure about her feelings for him even though she seemed to enjoy his company. He tried a little test by placing his little finger lightly on her hand. She didn’t move her hand away. He smiled inward. There was hope here.

They went out on a few more dates before Allan professed his love for her. She was always on his mind all these years and he wanted Tyra to be by his side. Tyra was touched. She didn’t realized that he had been in love with her too. They started dating and when her mother passed away, Allan was there for her. It was a start in her new life without her mother. Life had did turn in certain ways.